December 2008 Archives

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I don't mean to sound like a terrible mother, but the word "nightmare" is coming to mind.

You see Thursday I was so sick I had to go to the hospital. That's the short version of the story that involved much moaning in agony and much vomiting. They said it was gastritis--something not at all contagious--treated me a bit and sent me on my way.

Now it is Sunday night. My beloved husband who has had only a few hours sleep at best is driving this dark evening across the state through "winter advisory" weather, which means sleet, snow, ice, and stupid dangerous drivers. Meanwhile, my stomach is hurting in a way entirely too reminiscent of Thursday. I'm in too much pain to even eat and was weak and tired enough to crawl into bed earlier this evening wondering how I was going to get through the next few hours until children's bedtime. I crawled out of bed long enough to send my husband off with a kiss and admonishments for safe travel when one of my children vomited all over the bathroom. My husband cleaned it up for me before leaving on his journey, and then a second child vomited in a second bathroom. Then the first child again, on the floor on the way to the bathroom. Back and forth they volley with no one to care for them and clean up afterward but sick-and-in-pain me.

There's no refuge for me. I'm pained for my sick children, worried for them, worried for my husband, worried for my non-sick children, in pain and weary.

My Adventure

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I realized this evening that I mix "adventure" with "dangerous". Or maybe "exciting" with "stupid".

I realized this as I was attempting to get back home from a place 90 miles away in winter weather conditions while driving a twenty year old "well-loved" stick shift car whose brake light is out and whose passenger side rear tire went flat, as well as other problems we won't mention out of respect for the faithful well-worn car.

It was my first time driving a stick.

Technically, I'd driven one before--ten years ago. For one week I drove a manual transmission car and I never got the hang of it. What little I learned then was mostly forgotten now.

I had thought I'd make a day trip to St. Louis as I really don't get to go anywhere anymore. The house is beginning to feel like a prison cell and my daughter like a ball and chain, albeit a super cute and lovable ball and chain. But after numerous obstacles I downheartedly headed back home. Dull household errands needed to be ran, and who's the dull household chore doer? Me. Reality set in like congestion in the lungs. The fantasy that I could be free of this place faded.

My adventure of getting away for a day driving a stick for the first time in winter weather was, I'd say, despite its hardships, better than another day at home doing housework. However, as I slid around the road trying to figure out what gear I should be in and which pedal to push and what to do when you suddenly need to stop because there is yet another accident on the road to navigate, I was well-aware of how stupid I was being in attempting the trip, especially with no one near to rescue me and my precious little one strapped innocently in the back seat. It was exciting! Harrowing! Action-packed! And very stupid.